User blog:Promestein/Starcross - Relationships
A blog post just to describe some relationships and feelings in Starcross. Better here than on a character's page. Just feels better to put them here than clutter everyone's pages with what will inevitably be a LOT of relationships sections. EQUINOX on SOLSTICE The relationship between EQUINOX and the woman that used to be her wife and the emotions running beneath it are... complex, to say the least. Even now, when all that EQUINOX feels for Alice is an almost disturbingly intense loathing, she admits to herself that the passion she had felt in that relationship was much more intense than any other. Not necessarily more passion overall, and not necessarily more love than she has for Kyarne, but a much different kind of passion. Whereas her relationship with Kyarne was built on strong feelings, it was a more controlled burn, but with Alice... from the beginning, the intense emotions burned out of control. In retrospect, the unhealthy way the relationship developed seems like it should've been obvious to EQUINOX, but at the time, she was too drunk on the attention and love she had gotten. A childhood of neglect made it easy for Alice to make her feel finally, truly loved and wanted. ... Of course, that was soon ruined as Alice's selfishness slowly broke EQUINOX down over the course of their relationship. Even when caught up in the warmth of the relationship, EQUINOX was able to slowly pick up on Alice's subtle manipulations and guilt tripping - it was not her first unhealthy relationship, after all. While she considered simply ending things in response, she could not bring herself to end such a promising relationship just because Alice wasn't truly perfect. Instead, EQUINOX brought these things up, and attempted to work through them with Alice, but this quickly turned out to be a worse decision. While Alice would supposedly work on these things, she never really did, and her further behavior just got increasingly subtle, to the point that it became almost impossible to sort it out. By the time EQUINOX realized that Alice had just pulled her in deeper with false promises and manipulative tugs, she had already sank her fangs deep into her and trapped her in her coils. Yet, she did not stop loving her. She couldn't. Even with the knowledge that their relationship was hurting her, EQUINOX couldn't stop and slowly gave up on trying to improve things as Alice took control of their relationship, blaming herself for its every failing. Their marriage only worsened Alice's grip on her as her jealousy caused her to sideline many of EQUINOX's friends during their wedding, which she completely took control of. In the years that followed, Alice couldn't keep her ambitions back and, using blueprints and plans she had stolen from the government, forced EQUINOX to create the Solar Drive for her own use. As this began, their relationship took another steep dive to become more abusive as Alice began violently venting her anger on her wife, often strangling her during moments of blinding rage. Though Alice always seemed to put on such believable shows of apologetic waterworks after, she never stopped, and only became increasingly violent over time. Despondent, lonely, and struggling with lung cancer, EQUINOX attempted to take her life as Alice ravaged Earth's surface. Though she survived through sheer luck, she was able to escape the bunker she was trapped in with her wife, finally gaining time away from her, for the first time in years. While it took a long time, with the new friends she found in this time, she was able to get the help needed to start recovery and begin accepting the abusive nature of her relationship. It took a while, but as EQUINOX began to put things together and look back on Alice's behavior, her awful, rancid personality became increasingly clear, and left with little else to feel, EQUINOX lost herself in increasingly intense and visceral anger and even hatred for her. The memories of their relationship's finest hours remained, but only caused these emotions to intensify as EQUINOX struggled with nightmares and traumatic flashbacks of her life with Alice. So, desperate for vengeance, for everything, EQUINOX fully devoted herself to this. When they fought on Earth, though EQUINOX definitely hated her, she still loved her. It was complicated, but despite her misgivings and despite the uncertainties, EQUINOX pushed through to claim her vengeance and seemingly kill the woman who had been her wife. Even with Alice gone from her life, however, she continued to haunt her. Rarely did a day go by in which EQUINOX didn't spend hours obsessing over their relationship and replaying their best or worst moments, constantly struggling with the gravity of what she had done. While she was able to gradually push these things further and further from her mind as she made a new life with Kyarne, the trauma, the doubt, and the fear remain. Despite having killed her once before and proven to herself that she could survive such a relationship, EQUINOX's greatest fear remains the concept of being trapped in a relationship with SOLSTICE - or someone similarly awful - once more. The years have not been kind to EQUINOX's opinion on SOLSTICE. Whatever love remained has boiled over completely into a hatred of much greater intensity. The time that EQUINOX does spare to think about SOLSTICE in any more detail than a passing thought is riddled with curses, rage, and disturbingly vivid sadistic fantasies of strangulation and electrocution. While EQUINOX may not perhaps ever truly get over her fear of SOLSTICE, such an emotion certainly comes second to her loathing. Despite all the hate she may feel for her, however, even now EQUINOX still fondly remembers their better moments from time to time. She can't help it, and it only makes her hate SOLSTICE more. To have ruined something that could've been so perfect just for the sake of her ego... EQUINOX often wonders why she ever fell for SOLSTICE in the first place, even if she may know the answer. Category:Blog posts